#& doesnt live in canada
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If I see a non-passing t woman in the women's bathroom I feel the need to compliment her, even if I don't love her hair or what she's wearing all that much, because I cried the first time I heard somebody on a show use they/them pronouns and if I can make somebody in real life feel a fraction of that safety and acceptance, I will
#to this day i think of when i went to canada#and saw a middle aged t woman in a wheelchair#with her nails painted trans and lesbian flag colors#and i went to compliment the nails and we talked a little#and it was such a small interaction#but to this day i get teary eyed when i think of it#because seeing older queer people#and non passing trans people#in the real world enjoying their lives#is so touching as a young queer from a country that doesnt even have equal marriage#and i think of that woman#and i think fuck i want somebody whos maybe just realized their identity#or just became confident enough to use the other bathroom#i want to make somebody feel the way that trans woman made me feel#trans#queer#lesbian#transsexual#transgender#nonbinary
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Me to Google: I think my new hyperfixation isn't a new tv show or book, but A Literal Person
My phone: *notification pops up* Get Help
#he's way too abusable too#we're both kind of young#i remember one of my other friends we got too close too fast#we did the typical high school take turns being the therapist thing#i leaned on him way too much & i felt kind of abused by him sometimes but looking back i was also kind of abusive#we were just so toxic by the end#i dont want that to happen here.#last time i hyperfixated on a person i was way too open & way too clingy#i need to Not with this guy#besides he's straight#& doesnt live in canada#he's not Métis (not that that's non-negotiable; i ain't racist)#I'm too pagan folk catholic & non denominational for him#he's cis (that's also negotiable)#he's an absolute hopeless romantic (I don't want to be another failure for him)#I'm just not right for him#& i want to be just his friend#& he just wants to be mine#BUT I CAN'T HELP IT HE'S LIKE MY OTHER HYPERFIXATIONS#THEY TAKE UP ALL MY THOUGHTS#(i think i HAVE hyperfixated on people more than the once now that I think abt it; & online chats are nothing)
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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#rant#my mom got a new thing to pester me about#this time she wants me to go back to school#but not any kind of school#she asks me to go somewhere in the western hemisphere#america canada europe ykw#im already on my late 20s??? what the fuck is that supposed to mean#and whos gonna pay?? if my job doesnt want to provide scholarship then im supposed to pay for it????#for what? so you can have bragging rights that you have another kid living abroad???#its so fucking annoying#i already have a good job good pay have my own house and able to support fixing this house#i just wanna live like this i dont wanna go back getting education again#and even if i go back on education and pick what i wanna do she would definitely intervene and be like can you not pick what you want and#pick what your parents want instead?#because apparently not following your parents stupid decision is selfish#if you dont sacrifice your whole life and goals so your parents can brag about you to their neighbors then whats the fucking point of having#a child#so tired
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ouh carrie underwood ur so right. i should key his car
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[MEIKER]
uh oh girlies it looks like im starting to send Neel through a cunt era !!!!!!!!!!!!!
im kinda obsessed w the idea of him becoming That Bitch after he starts acting. hollywood's new it girl <3
#listen. after Avalon retires to go live a quiet life in rural canada w Hunt theres a bit of a diva void in hollywood#and Neel does NOT fill it lmaooooo doesnt even come close to the powerhouse that is Avalon#oc: Nelix Fink
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I can't believe there are still people who support Israel in this day and age. They are literally committing a genocide, which you can watch from your phone. How could you possibly fall for the propaganda??
#pro palestine#free palestine#fuck israel#i esp hate when they use the “Palestine is homophobic” argument#that is not the reason for the genocide and that is not a justification for genocide#like guess what? Israel is killing queer people when theyre levelling cities#so if you only value the lives of queer people (which is fucked up) you should still be pro Palestine#Canada (my country) is super lgbt friendly law wise but that doesnt mean I support the literal and cultural genocide of indigenous people
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3 headcanons that I have that diverge from canon because i can't let go of history:
- Matthew hasn't been raised by Francis, they only vaguely know each other ;
- HRE grew up at practically the same rate as everyone around him, him being Ludwig is still something I'm thinking about though.... ;
- Same goes for Veneziano and Romano, no staying kids until the XIXth century. They are also not born during the Roman period.
Doesn't mean I don't like when I see Matthiew and being like Francis' son or HRE and Veneziano being kids, I just don't like it when I do it 😭
#for the canada thing:#it doesnt make sense to me if you didnt make two personnifciations: one for french canada and one for english canada#and each native tribe has their own personification as well#because french and english canada kind of... stayed “apart”#quebec became lower canada meanwhile the areas settled by english speakers during the end of XIIIth century/early XIXth#became upper canada#oh wait then scrap the whole thing about the NA bros being twins hahaha#anyway that would put Matthew's birth in 1791 meanwhile Quebec would be in the XIIth century#french canada lacked the demography so when english speaking settlers started living there after it became a british territory#they quickly outnumbered the french speakers#voila#hetalia#aph canada#hws canada#aph quebec#hws quebec#aph hre#hws hre#aph italy#hws italy#aph romano#hws romano#hetalia headcanons#historical hetalia#mes blogs
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lives in canada. has cold weather as an asthma trigger @ the universe; am i a fucking joke to you
#cant even move somewhere warmer because america is a shitshow and i dont want to do the disability assistance approval tango again#if i could live in like. LA? but still have all the healthcare and such i have here? ideal#and if america sorted its shit out with [gestures vaguely at politics]#not that canada doesnt have issues. but we do have Less Guns
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Man I'm so disappointed that I like my principal. My whole anti-authority thing really falling apart here. (and also he's disgustingly pro-military which is inevitable at this particular school but still an extremely bad trait in a principal)
but i like him! I walk past him about three times a day, always late to wherever I'm going, and I was feeling so defensive about how late i am to everything, and then one day he stops me to ask if I'm feeling okay because I'd seemed so happy on the previous days.
and then today on my way past (late) i was like "Hey I saw a rat??? in the daytime?? it was chilling" and he said "Oh that's a common mistake. A lot of people don't know this but we have squirrels in Australia, they're just a bit smaller and they don't have those big fluffy tails. But it's really a squirrel. People keep them as pets!"
and then I had a really shit afternoon (for reasons outside anyone's control) and he called me just now after I got home to tell me to take tomorrow off. I said no, I like coming to work, bc I do, but still it's a lot nicer to go to work when you know it's optional.
he also seemed to think that what i normally do of a friday is go ice skating at the beach???? This is about typical for how well we normally communicate: great, except for the part about how we live in completely disparate realities.
#ruin rambles#like seriously#WE LIVE IN QUEENSLAND#and even in canada i feel like that'd be weird#outside of work he is literally on another planet from me#he feels like brizzy doesnt have enough golf courses#that might not sound weird but i think its even more inexplicable than the beach ice skating thing#HOW MANY GOLF COURSES COULD YOU NEED???#THERE ARE MULTIPLE GOLF COURSES JUST WHERE HE WORKS#NEVER MIND THE REST OF THE CITY
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Man
#i dont often talk abt this kind of stuff but: americans gettin bad smoke rn that sucks pls be safe#but i dont want to see any more of this blame canada shit about it#i live in western canada - we get smoke every single summer and have since like 2014#weve got millions of hectares burning and unlike nova scotia it doesnt rain here#the orange sky they got in new york - we got that last month when the fires began#literally as soon as its above freezing the fires start again#just like. be aware that if we had a choice we would also choose to not have yearly wildfires
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im sorry excUSE ME?!?!
#NUH UH#I PAY UP THE FUCKING ASS TO LIVE IN VANCOUVER WHERE THIS WEATHER DOESNT HAPPEN#AINT NO WAY IM PAYING THIS MUCH IN RENT TO HAVE TEMPERATURES LIKE THE REST OF CANADA#the buses straight up won’t be running 😭#i am going to be screwed getting to work#sulley speaks#i don’t have winter boots either fuck#AND MY WINTER JACKET ZIPPER BEOKE YESTERDAY
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EUGH .
#talk tag#celcius btw#its only mid maaaay cmon weather dont do this to meeeee#as long as it doesnt reach early-mid 40's again this year ill be fine though just. eugh its mayyyy#the area of canada I live in is a nightmare i think#late -20's to -30 in the middle of winter and then averaging mid 30's in summer . celcius
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how am i supposed to work today. there is too much going on and i didnt sleep well last night
#ray speaks#brain occupied by videogame nonsense (rgg summit last night; i havent even watched it but ive heard so much about it)#and then theres big real world stuff going on. with anti-lgbt protests and counter-protests all over canada today#which i just learned about yesterday and havent had time to process. doesnt feel real#thank god i work from home and dont need to go anywhere and dont live in the part of my city where protests are happening#anyway i would like to go back to bed. please
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can i just say. u are all outraged over nothing, re: social media. like especially discord. all they did was change the usernames like it’s not great but nothing else is different it does not impact literally anything. also i don’t really have any issues with tumblr atm like it’s simply not as deep as u are all making it out to be. absolute case of making up a guy to be mad at
#saw a post thats like ‘discord is algorithmic now’ girl just because thats the current thing to hate doesnt mean theyre doing it#its four numbers who cares god bless#also sucks to suck if u have to snooze tumblr live or whatever but its not even available in canada#the autoplay ads are annoying but for me they last like a few days and then they go away again so again. idc#idk and the talk of the boycott or whatever is so fucking funny literally nothing is coming of that lmfaooo
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#i know almost all countries if not literally all are horrifying dystopias#but living in america sounds so fucked#the culture is similar enough to Canadas that i would almost be comfortable living there#and im white so it doesnt affect me as much#but god. living in constant threat of gun violence........#actually if i lived in the states id almost definitely be dead right now#i would have shot myself#suicide#tw
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